This is my thread
- Thread starter S O F I
- Start date
I feel like I've lived my whole life in a bubble, kind of kept away from the realities of how some people are.
This isn't an emo, 15 year old girl's story of coming of age.
Seems like everyone I have met has not used drugs, but abused them as well. Lost parts of their lives to dependency. What the hell? How did I manage to stay away from it? I talked to people at every stage in my life, but it seems like all these people just kept it quiet? I understand no one walks around with billboard, complete with a running tally of every time they did a line, popped ecstasy, etc. But they even keep it from others they encounter on a daily basis? I feel like its some underground event I was never invited to.
And in hindsight, I'm glad.
It's not just drugs, but people's religious practices too. I thought it was just Christians that went to church and preached their values and still break every rule in the book behind closed doors.
There are Muslims here that pray on the dot, every day, but still drink and do drugs. I never would've guessed it. They're out of the eyes of other Muslims (not just their parents and friends back home) and so now they let loose and reveal it all. It all comes as a shock.
I wonder if I've doing things mostly "wrong" or mostly "right" this whole time. No one's perfect, but shit, I've never taken an illicit substance. Biggest law I broke was maybe smoking and drinking a few times before turning 18 and 21, respectively. Stealing music and movies? Fine. But transporting and selling drugs? DUIs?
Everyone draws their line somewhere, but despite not being a very moral person myself, I still feel like my "line" is a lot closer to morality or much straighter of a line, than most others I have come into contact with. And it feels weird.
This isn't an emo, 15 year old girl's story of coming of age.
Seems like everyone I have met has not used drugs, but abused them as well. Lost parts of their lives to dependency. What the hell? How did I manage to stay away from it? I talked to people at every stage in my life, but it seems like all these people just kept it quiet? I understand no one walks around with billboard, complete with a running tally of every time they did a line, popped ecstasy, etc. But they even keep it from others they encounter on a daily basis? I feel like its some underground event I was never invited to.
And in hindsight, I'm glad.
It's not just drugs, but people's religious practices too. I thought it was just Christians that went to church and preached their values and still break every rule in the book behind closed doors.
There are Muslims here that pray on the dot, every day, but still drink and do drugs. I never would've guessed it. They're out of the eyes of other Muslims (not just their parents and friends back home) and so now they let loose and reveal it all. It all comes as a shock.
I wonder if I've doing things mostly "wrong" or mostly "right" this whole time. No one's perfect, but shit, I've never taken an illicit substance. Biggest law I broke was maybe smoking and drinking a few times before turning 18 and 21, respectively. Stealing music and movies? Fine. But transporting and selling drugs? DUIs?
Everyone draws their line somewhere, but despite not being a very moral person myself, I still feel like my "line" is a lot closer to morality or much straighter of a line, than most others I have come into contact with. And it feels weird.
I realize alcohol is responsible for more fucked up shit that probably all other drugs combined, including deaths and lives fucked up, but I still don't see it as "as bad." That's me, though.
I go out and live. I guess, since I see as alcohol as ok, I definitely indulge in it, like last night, and I enjoyed myself. I've just known people personally that lost control of their lives because of alcohol and other drugs. Mostly other drugs, but one person in particular was all alcohol, and I get scared.
In my mind it's like this: some say to use drugs but be responsible. Know when to stop. "I know how to control myself" is something I hear a lot. But soon enough, I see those people get caught. Their studies slip, they knock up a girl, lose a job, etc. I really haven't seen it turn out well for anyone.
So I know how responsible I am (not very) and I know that I get addicted to things very easily (foods, cigs, games, etc.). So I worry about losing control of myself before even doing these drugs. And while it's important for me to stress that I don't necessarily judge these people for doing the things that they do, I can't help but have an image of someone from the way they act in school and even outside of school, and then find out they partake in drugs and other stuff outside of all of that. And I can't help but at least be surprised at that.
I guess it still comes back to me assuming things, then.
I go out and live. I guess, since I see as alcohol as ok, I definitely indulge in it, like last night, and I enjoyed myself. I've just known people personally that lost control of their lives because of alcohol and other drugs. Mostly other drugs, but one person in particular was all alcohol, and I get scared.
In my mind it's like this: some say to use drugs but be responsible. Know when to stop. "I know how to control myself" is something I hear a lot. But soon enough, I see those people get caught. Their studies slip, they knock up a girl, lose a job, etc. I really haven't seen it turn out well for anyone.
So I know how responsible I am (not very) and I know that I get addicted to things very easily (foods, cigs, games, etc.). So I worry about losing control of myself before even doing these drugs. And while it's important for me to stress that I don't necessarily judge these people for doing the things that they do, I can't help but have an image of someone from the way they act in school and even outside of school, and then find out they partake in drugs and other stuff outside of all of that. And I can't help but at least be surprised at that.
I guess it still comes back to me assuming things, then.
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