Sending Msg's

[kman_69]

Sending Msg's
my insecurities and jealousness was hurtin me
-now im regrettin it, but its worse than that, see..
..let me express it..

my girlfriend and i have been together for months
..& things are great, even better -fallin in love
but whats up now is she's gettin msg's from a dude
-who never treated her right, from my point of view
..but whats else is new? i guess she'll prolly be with him
-not consciously cheating, but its how it seems to be -n' its
..how i see things, so what can i do about it?
..start perusing some1 else to talk to about it?..
ha, how stupid.. coz its only furthering my suspicions
..now things are getting twisted, man its ridiculous
-now i feel shit.. n' its the opposite of what i needed
-to feel needed.. now this girl im speaking to wants to meet
n' i feel insecure from my own past relationships
so i string her along.. but in truth, i really hate this shit
i put myself in her shoes, and i see my own selfishness
this isn't healthy -i really need to delay this..
-what can i say? coz i dont want to hurt any1's feelings
especially not my girl, coz she means the world to me
so i delay things by saying that im constantly busy
..man i hope this doesnt make everyone come and hate me..
-coz i want Tash to stay, and i want to forget this..
now im reading msg's on her phone & its not what i suspected
..i feel better, but i still got myself in this trap, see..
Tash's msg she sent to the dude said that I make her happy
and i feel crap now -coz i shoulda told her the same things
i shoulda told her how i felt, i guess i just hope its not too late "kid"?

 

[k69atie]

really deep piece of writing, your feelings came across real strong, good piece :thumb:

 

[kman_69]

thanks heaps! thanks for checkin it out!

peace.

 

[Cown]

Nice way of expressing yourself, definatly different than anything else I've seen around here, but that's only a good thing. Good way you chose to put your feelings down in writing.

Keep it up and I hope it works out for you.

 

[Kaos88]

that was a really good piece of writin...i liked it. ur feelings were well expressed through ur writin...keep up the work

peace xXx

 

[kman_69]

Cown : thanks for peepin man...yeah it all worked out well, thanks!...glad u feelin this peice!
Kaos88 :hey thanks for peepin..glad u feelin this one as well!

peace.

 

[The.Menace]

over all I like this piece, I just feel like sometimes the rhyme is off - like in the last 2 lines I don't see no rhyme there, or the two lines you end with "about it?.." - I think you should work on this piece a lil, it could be very good, has potential.

 

[Bigg Limn]

Decent pice, emotions were conveyed good, message got across fine. Only problem I had was w/ the structure of it, and your typing - both made it difficult to read smoothly. No lines ever really flowed to me, which isn't a necessity but its a nice technique to have words flow together at different points throughout your poem. But overall it was pretty good. Keep writing.

pz

 

[kman_69]

thanks guys

menace: yeah, the rhymes are prolly a lil off coz i wrote it in the heat of the moment sorta thing...only took about 20 mins or so...so its not the kinda peice i could work on again if u know what i mean?
thanks for peepin tho! ..and thanks for the great feedback!

Limm: thanks man, yeah as i said to menace, flow i prolly a bit off coz of how i wrote it sorta thing, but like as for my typing/stucture....i write all my shit like this, its just my style...it makes it easier to read in my head sorta thing...thats the only reason hehe...but yeah, i usually work on my flow and rhyme scheme pretty intently...check out one of my other peices...thanks for peepin man!, great feedback also!

 

[Saint33]

it was interesting, a very nice way of gettin ur emotions across, like someone else said, different from the norm around here, but good. But unfortuneatly i hav to agree with limn and menice, the flow was a lil off, hard to read at parts, but overall i really enjoyed this piece :thumb:

 

[kman_69]

^^thnx man, yeah like i said...i just got it all down, wasnt too concerned with flow etc....although i think it flows ok reading back over it now, rhymes are a little off, but as far as the way its constructed, thats just my style..

thanks heaps for peepin!

peace.

 

[~live2tell~]

I like the story that you told, was a little different - I thought the vocab you used was quite basic though and wasn't as interesting as it could have been, with some work though I defo think this could be really good.