one gun shot...so much lost

[shattered dreams]

With one gun shot
so much is lost
as his body drops
Thinking that will make It stop
instead his soul the devil caught
Now left in eternity to rot
Everything in life that was taught
Has all fallen prey, to this day
All the words of strength, gone astray
Mother walked into where his body lay
Her heart now forever gone away
Family and friends now left to pray
Rest in peace is all that’s left to say
All the family that was left behind
Cant find the strength to make it through this time
Mother hysterical asking why my son, why mine
Friends asking why a soul that was so divine
Had to lose itself to one single nine
And a deal with the devil was now just signed.

 

[kman_69]

ah cool idea....i like the peice....just to me the flow seemed a bit off...like the rhymes seemed a bit forced in places..

but i stil like

keept it up!

 

[Cown]

Good poem and very nice topic. It gives you stuff to think about afterwards, why people are so stupid and cannot see the results of their actions beforehand, even though they’ve witnessed it so many times before, when others where put through the pain of losing someone to the violence of man.

Great piece :thumb:

 

[~live2tell~]

Yeah I liked the message, it was certainly loud and clear and written with thought. I thought the flow was a lil off in places other than that really good drop. Keep it up.

 

[radkin]

i agree, It felt a little forced in places, but I really like the subject matter and you got your feelings across well

 

[shattered dreams]

thank you for all your replies, much appreciated

 

[Hereitis]

Hey, This poem is a great peice. Word to all ya'all.
I know I'm breakin the rules but I cant find a place to post my rhymes. SO Ill DO it Here...

As long as I'm real I'm gone speak this deep shit
I take control of the mix and turn your strengths into weakness
I bring the word to the third to observe the absurd lil turds slangin nigga words And I been rappin till my throat hurts
I'm always hangin with the realest from the old church
I spoke cursed on the shadow of Pac now get you bady in black and get your mind of my tracks and as a matter of fact I'll kick your ass at this crap
Its like a localized turf war that them sattelites'd search for I strategize to occupy and and turn the steets into Crenshaw
Yes ya'all its the call of the rapper with the words
An outlaw with a probable cause
Born a nigger in a horrible world
I need A gun just to survive
I only chose the riffle for my peice of the pie
and if I die let the kids take my place
and like Pac said
Can you relate to the shit i dont got be the shit i gotta take
I'm like Kobi or Tyse young Noble and Pac so watch your mouth local knowledge I'm fuckin you up!

Peace out to all the politikal prizonerz!

 

[Thug_Queen]

...

With one gun shot
so much is lost
as his body drops
Thinking that will make It stop
instead his soul the devil caught
Now left in eternity to rot
Everything in life that was taught
Has all fallen prey, to this day
All the words of strength, gone astray
Mother walked into where his body lay
Her heart now forever gone away
Family and friends now left to pray
Rest in peace is all that’s left to say
All the family that was left behind
Cant find the strength to make it through this time
Mother hysterical asking why my son, why mine
Friends asking why a soul that was so divine
Had to lose itself to one single nine
And a deal with the devil was now just signed.

*speechless*

 

[Pacaveli-T]

really good .....

 

[shattered dreams]

thank you for all your replies much appreciated

 

[imported_MAKaveli_10]

I like that alot.

 

[shattered dreams]

^thanks

 

[jm5471]

i really liked this one, good story my fav part was

Mother hysterical asking why my son, why mine
Friends asking why a soul that was so divine
Had to lose itself to one single nine
And a deal with the devil was now just signed.
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