need help being funny

[ill-matic]

im in my last few days of school , forever! and this friday , we are having a year 12 graduation assembly in front of the school, where each person gets up on stage and the roll call teacher says something about them, like what they wanna do in the future

i have to fill out what the teacher says, and one of the things is

"phil would like to pursue a career in...."

originally i was gonna have;

"phil would like to pursue a career in scientific epotplasm biotechnical mechanical chemically enhancer technicion specialising in the formation of particles majoring in the transfiguration of elements....and if that fails, a clown."

but apparently, someone else is doin some shit like that


i want ideas people, i need laughs!

 

[haunted]

*Phil is going to work as a Red Cross volunteer, and aspires to Own his own Center For Children, and if that fails, a prostitute* That will get a shitload of laughs

 

[ill-matic]

lmao man, i go to a religious school, my teahcers will have a heart attack

 

[haunted]

Well ill think of something, I was gonna say something really fucked up, but i decided not to.

 

[~live2tell~]

Damn how lazy are the teachers, ask them to write their own speeches!

 

[S O F I]

Do you, man. Otherwise, if they laugh at what you say, you won't feel the pride because it did not come from you.

 

[greezi']

How about...

"phil would like to pursue a career as a clown...and if that fails a scientific epotplasm biotechnical mechanical chemically enhancer technicion specialising in the formation of particles majoring in the transfiguration of elements."

 

[Pittsey]

I need help being funny too.

 

[Get In The Van I Have Candy]

I need help being funny too.

Oh yeah we all know, but one problem at a time please.

phil would like to pursue a career as a fluffer. This position would require one to have his orifice used on a daily basis in the movie industry. Duties will be to give male entertainment stars oral in order to get them ready to perform. If his duties cannot be performed by him he will have to bend over to satisfy the star.

 

[S O F I]

Just make a joke about Jesus. "Phil would like to pursue a career as a painter, aspiring to fullfill his longtime goal, to portray Jesus, Black, with Tupac's face." You may not get many "ha ha's", but you'll definetely get a lot of ahhs, ooos, and boos. Not funny, really, but it's a religion school.

 

[Salar]

hahaha
it's all in the delivery.

But say something like this

phil would like to pursue a career as a linguist. He speaks english very good.

phil would like to pursue a career as a professional collection officer. he waits in line all day to collect his welfare cheque.

But remember, all is in the way you deliver a joke. A bad joke can be good if you deliver it properly.

 

[AmerikazMost]

Phil is not pursuing any particular career. He has no ambition for life and would be content with whichever low wage job falls into his lap.

 

[greezi']

"Phil's a fucking loser!"

 

[mechman]

Do they have interests? For my graduation they said a little thing about your interests too.

"Chris's interests include spontaneous respiration and bipedal movement." And that I do.

My suggestion? Pirate. Leave it at that.

 

[ill-matic]

lol im liking some of these ideas...


is mine not funny?

 

[Outla Spirit]

Phil is not pursuing any particular career. He has no ambition for life and would be content with whichever low wage job falls into his lap.

haha... like that one, use dis one :thumb:

 

[Salar]

or do something like
phil would like to pursue a career in eco.... oh wait that's not me.... (allow for an awkward silence) then say "well this is awkward" and slowly back away

 

[Preach]

I need help being funny too.

lmao

this post pwns

 

[Cheesyphily16]

You guys have to remember that he's not the one who will say anything. His teacher will be the one dropping the line.

When Phil grows up, he aspires to become a veterinarian because he loves aminals.