Mr T facts

Shahin

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Nov 13, 2002
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Though some of these were kinda funny. If this is a repost, well, sucks to be you I suppose.

Before Mr.T was born there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back.

The T virus in Resident Evil is based on what happens to a person when they are exposed overwhelming amounts of pity inflicted by Mr. T. There is currently no cure.

Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.

God was able to create the world in seven days only because he had the aid of Mr. T, a blow torch, and a musical montage.

Mr. T can walk on water. He can also walk on fire. His preference however, is to walk on fools.

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

Mr. T has removed Pee Wee Herman from existence for making fun of his cereal.

Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

As a child MR. T used to go into the sewers of NY and hunt alligators. I know what you are thinking: “There are no alligators in the sewers of NY”. Yeah...Now!

Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you.

The only thing to survive a nuclear holocaust would be Mr. T and cockroaches - Mr. T does not like cockroaches... for that reason and that reason alone Russia and the USA agreed to reduce their nuclear arsenal.

Mr. T was almost involved in a second car crash. To avoid the crash, he folded his arms and slowly shook his head. The car decided it was safer to avoid Mr. T.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.

Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T was not beat by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky III. He actually lost to Stallone's stuntman, Chuck Norris. It took 5 hours of work by a dozen makeup artists to make Chuck Norris ugly enough to be a believable Stallone. Even with Chuck Norris, it was still necessary to use 3 metric tons of animal traquilizers to knock Mr. T out long enough for a 10 count.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
When in the presence of Mr.T a magic-8-ball ALWAYS predicts PAIN!

Mr.T has created a laxative. The box contains only a picture of Mr. T with his arms crossed but that image alone can make a person shit themselves.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter.

The last time Mr.T went hunting he got a 10 point buck, a white rhino and two bald eagles... He is no longer allowed into the Zoo.

Mr. T once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned.

Someone once suggested that Mr. T's first name is Pit. His body was found 10 seconds later. The police concluded that he committed suicide by stabbing himself with a Mohawk 389 times, choking himself with a gold chain and by eating both of his own legs.

Death is Mr. T's way of saying 'Slow the fuck down'.

A common and widespread form of capital punishment in olden times was known as "pitification", where fools, sometimes in large numbers were brought before Mr. T and pitied to death. Later, the process was deemed too messy and inhumane. Thus, impalement and crucifixion were invented.

Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.
 
hahaahahaha. some of those were great. but these things pop out of the ground like mushrooms. they started with vin diesel ones, then chuck norris, now mr t

still funny tho :D
 
A common and widespread form of capital punishment in olden times was known as "pitification", where fools, sometimes in large numbers were brought before Mr. T and pitied to death. Later, the process was deemed too messy and inhumane. Thus, impalement and crucifixion were invented.


LMAO
 
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Thats classic shit.
Couple of Mr T facts off top of my head:
1. He was voted New York's toughest bouncer 3 years running.
2. He got most his gold chains as a result of being NY's toughest bouncer.... (do the math).
3. He recently sold all his bling at auction.
4. He eats milk and razorblades for breakfast (dunno if this one is quite true).


Some1 send me a link to the chuck norris one pls.
 
ahh man i was readin these in college and i just burst out laughin people just started lookin, some of those are classic LMAO
 
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till."

After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school
football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to
let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse
kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang
every girl in the stadium.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the
face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a
list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir."
That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire
state down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera
or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He
always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris
did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
"booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris
you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity." then you are dead wrong.
 
Jebus said:
I wanna hear the vin diesal ones now!!
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were
no survivors.

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End
Lives."

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows
to live.

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. **** you, team.

When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

Vin Diesel can count backwards from infinity.

The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan
borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead
requests a hand gun and a bucket.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!"
Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had
slept with.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to
kill you, including the room itself.

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs
to lie the **** down.

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water
gets Vin instead.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.


Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
lactose's shit.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo
controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of
Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it
notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in
the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of
bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you
would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked
why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then
he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing
the Earth down.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an
immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the
face.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of
visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown
into the sun.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis
in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while ****ing another.

Vin Diesel always eats his vegetables. Even the wheelchairs.
 

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