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ChrisZimbo

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May 22, 2004
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Currently South Africa, Hometown is Zimbabwe
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300o C. The Russians used a pencil.

more just now!!
 
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
 
^^^lmao.

I wonder, that ballpoint-in-space story, ive heard it before (from more or less credible sources). I dont believe they spent 12 billion on it (that'd be too much money), but they did throw a couple of hundred thou at it.

But is it true? Or a myth?
 
i got a few.... this ladys sick of her husband so she starts sleeping with the neighbor... her husband comes hoe and catches them in the act he says"honey wtf are u doing" she turns to her neighbor and says "see bill i told you hes stupid"

why are blonds so easy?.....who cares

if u are a Jacko fan dont proceed to read what im about to type

why did michael jackson go to walmart?? cuz he heard boys pants are half off

why did michael jackson call boys 2 men?? cuz he thought it was a delivery service

michael jackson and a priest are flying kids back to neverland..the plane starts to crash... the priest says "michael what are u doing get a fuckin parachute" michael says "what about the kids"? the priest says "fuck the kids" michael says "theres No time "
 
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell the herd and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-design them
so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then
create irritating cow cartoon images called
Cowkimon and market them world-wide at a fantastic profit.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.

ENGLISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have
42 cows. You count them again and learn you have
12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the
newsman who reported the numbers.

A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. The younger one is rather attractive

AN IRISH CORPORATION
Who cares, the EU really owns them now and the pub is still serving.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
Western suburbs style....
You have 2 stolen bulls but think they are cows
you die the first time you try and milk them.

NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. You don't know what they are
used for as they aren't sheep.
You shag them anyway.
 
not really ken said:
A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. The younger one is rather attractive

NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. You don't know what they are
used for as they aren't sheep.
You shag them anyway.
Click to expand...
hahahaha

that reminded me of Thommo. anyone remember "thommosexual"? :D
 
A rich man and a poor man are talking about what they are getting their wives for christmas. The rich man says "I'm buying her a diamond ring and a Mercedes Benz." The poor man asks "Why are you buying her both a ring and a benz?" The rich man says, "I'll get her both so that if she doesn't like the ring she can return it in her Benz and still be happy." Then he asks the poor man "What are you getting your wife?" The poor man says, "I'm getting her a pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich man asks, "Why are you getting her both slippers and a dildo?" And the poor man says, "So that, if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself"
 
This kid walks into a general store one day and asks for a job.

The owner tells him that he doesn't need any help.

The kid is persistent so the guy tells him to watch him when the next customer comes in. If he can do what he does, he'll give him a job.

A few minutes later a customer comes in. "Good afternoon sir. What can I do for you?"

The guy says, "I need some grass seed."

So the owner goes and gets it. When he gets back he says, "How about a lawn mower to go with this."

"What do I need a lawn mower for?"

"Well when the grass grows your going to need something to cut it with."

"Yea, OK, I'll take a lawn mower too."

After the customer was gone, the owner turned to the kid and said, "That's how it's done. Can you do that?"

The kid said, "Sure."

So the next customer comes in and says, "I need some Tampax."

The kid says, "Yes sir.", and goes after them.

When he gets back he says, "Would you like a lawn mower to go with that?"

The guy says, "What the hell do I need a lawn mower for?"

The kid replies, "You might as well cut the grass. Your weekend is shot, that's for sure....."
 
What does Michael Jackson call a bus full of little boys?
Meals on Wheels



A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer.
The lawyer said, "How can I help you?"
The farmer said, "I want to get one of those dayvorces."
The lawyer said, "Do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yes, I got 40 acres."
The lawyer said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a suit?
The farmer said, "Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays."
The lawyer said, "No, no, I mean, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I ain't got a case, but I got a John Deere."
The lawyer said, "No, I mean, do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yes, I got a grudge, That's where I parks the John Deere"
The lawyer said, "Does your wife beat you up or something?" The farmer said, "No, we both get up at 4:30."
The lawyer said, "Is your wife a nagger?"
The farmer said, "No, she's a little white gal, but our last
child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce."
 
A man walks into a building and gets into the elevator. He presses the button for the fifth floor. At the fifth floor the most stunning woman he has ever seen gets into the lift and leans seductively against the wall.

The man doesn't know where to look and starts to get very nervous.

The woman begins to unbutton her blouse and throws it on the floor. She then takes off her bra and throws it on the floor.

At this stage the guy is getting very nervous.

Then she says "Make a woman out of me".

He unbuttons his shirt,throws it on the floor and replies - "Alright, iron that."
 
this is like my third or fourth post in this thread, but i had to add these :D



What is love?
The delusion that one woman differs from another.

What is the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job still sucks.

What's the difference between your bonus and your dick?
You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.

Why is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.

What s worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who won't do as she's told.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner?
Why the hell should we fix it? We don't use the damn thing.

How are women like parking spaces?
The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares - what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway?
 
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300o C. The Russians used a pencil.
Click to expand...
AmerikazMost said:
lol tell me that's not true
Click to expand...
Duke said:
^^^lmao.

I wonder, that ballpoint-in-space story, ive heard it before (from more or less credible sources). I dont believe they spent 12 billion on it (that'd be too much money), but they did throw a couple of hundred thou at it.

But is it true? Or a myth?
Click to expand...
It's false.

NASA didn't design the pen, Paul Fisher did independently. He spent over one million dollars perfecting it, and then sold it to NASA. Prior to this, all astronauts used pencils. After Fisher sold the pens to NASA, but American and Russian astronauts used the pen. Not only is it more versatile, but it's more reliable and safe. Pencils and pencil 'lead' can easily break and become lodged in equipment. Also, in a pure oxygen environment a wooden pencil can burn rapidly.

And it didn't take him a decade. It took him two decades.
 
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