how youve changed me

[shattered dreams]

i thought everything was under control
that id never let my love completely unfold
thats what i thought when i first went with you
but now im confused, dazed i dont know what to do
before i used to breath the air, for life
now i only breath to become your wife
my rules for what i would allow within myself
were strict, written to the line, to protect mental health
now i throw all rules into the wind,never to return
love my hardest, still scared of getting burned
in the start of all this, i just wanted you
all has changed, now im needing you
never thought it would climax to this
never thought id be thrown into pure bliss

god i remember the days,oh how i yearned
to know what true love is, oh how i've learned
i remember back when, oh how i wanted to die
look at me now, oh how youve changed my life


i remember each tear that i would cry
praying my pain would finally die
the pain of having no one to lean on
the pain of only looking in myself, to be strong
only crying because of the shame of my past
now crying because of the future i will have
the future of being, nothing i have known
the future of being, no longer alone
never believed i could have this
never believed, i deserved happiness
now instead of looking in myself, for strength
i look in you, your strength, knows no length
you have the strength the brigthten everyday
brighten everyday, that has ever been gray
that strength,i looked for, but it was never seen
but then again, i never saw you a perfect human being


god i remember the days,oh how i yearned
to know what true love is, oh how i've learned
i remember back when, oh how i wanted to die
look at me now, oh how youve changed my life

 

[jm5471]

this was really good filled wit emotion like usual but u find a way to almost passively sent it thru i also liked the rhyme scheme good writin

 

[k69atie]

wow, great piece of writing, keep it up

 

[2pac4prez2004]

very emotional, very good...liking it

 

[~live2tell~]

Very good piece of writing, and at times thought provoking esp this>>

in the start of all this, i just wanted you
all has changed, now im needing you
never thought it would climax to this
never thought id be thrown into pure bliss

You made it seem like you thought needing someone was pure bliss, interesting...


you have the strength the brigthten everyday
brighten everyday, that has ever been gray
that strength,i looked for, but it was never seen
but then again, i never saw you a perfect human being

Wasn't sure whether you meant you never saw a perfect human being before him, or you never saw him as a perfect human being - is this on purpose?

Bits of your writing have a sense of mystery about them and I really like this about your style. Great work.

 

[athugZwifey]

this is a really good poem, u got skills for writin and im feelin ur unique style of writin2......thumbs up :thumb:

 

[Florida123]

wow, that was fire...full of passion and power...keep it up

 

[Pacaveli-T]

good rhyme i like

 

[shattered dreams]

Thank you everyone for your comments, much appreciated.

 

[Levendi]

man this was pretty awesome, i got a whole lot of favourite parts in that, these lines were the ones -

" before i used to breath the air, for life
now i only breath to become your wife
my rules for what i would allow within myself
were strict, written to the line, to protect mental health
now i throw all rules into the wind,never to return
love my hardest, still scared of getting burned
in the start of all this, i just wanted you
all has changed, now im needing you "

also -

" the future of being, nothing i have known
the future of being, no longer alone
never believed i could have this
never believed, i deserved happiness
now instead of looking in myself, for strength
i look in you, your strength, knows no length
you have the strength the brigthten everyday
brighten everyday, that has ever been gray
that strength,i looked for, but it was never seen
but then again, i never saw you a perfect human being "

And the short parts(chorus?) in between were written well also, overall really nice, keep it up...


.

 

[XIAN]

My favorite piece:

"i remember each tear that i would cry
praying my pain would finally die
the pain of having no one to lean on
the pain of only looking in myself, to be strong
only crying because of the shame of my past"

I relate to that!! Most of my poems I keep to myself and when I read them, in each line I know the meaning behind it, even if I hadn't read it in months, and I remember the thing that was it's inspiration or why I chose "this" word, and why i didn't choose another one. And then I think that if someone else read it, what would they think I was thinking about? Or would they wonder what I was thinking about?

I just wanted to tell u that in those lines I'm wondering.

Peace.