Get Away

[MATW95]

It's been a while and there's plenty of stuff I can write about now, so I may be posting in here very often now. Here's the first one since the last time I wrote:

Back when I was smokin' that substance through a pipe
I was lookin for stability and substance in life
So understand my perspective before you criticize me
You ain't walked a mile in my shoes so your hatred doesn't surprise me
Now, I realize that almost nothin' can change your mind
But at least show some fucking sympathy when you see the man crying
Or kid for that matter, I ain't done growing
But so much is expected when facial hair starts showing
Like, no more questions about petty little things
Like why's Mommy poppin pills; before she used to sing
Or why're they still together, Pops fucked the whole thing
And I can't cry in nobody's arms, so I find solace in the drink
At least it's more accepted than drugs as a getaway
But the whole time I'm buzzed I'm seeing life get away

 

[The.Menace]

I give you 24 hours to reply to a couple of poems or I'll close this. Follow the rules please. peace.

 

[MATW95]

My bad

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Thats really good, deep emotion all the good things. It just didnt seem to flow easily I dont think you should change any of the topics etc but work on the flow and you'll be great.. Well done.

 

[The.Menace]

I like this a lot, basically cause I love to topic I guess, I can relate boy. I like the rhymes too, the only thing I might not like is to rhyme mind - cryin ... I'm not sure yet if that rhymes lol. Besides these two lines I think it flows good and I like the topic, so yeah, good work baby.

 

[GhettoStar]

It's been a while and there's plenty of stuff I can write about now, so I may be posting in here very often now. Here's the first one since the last time I wrote:

Back when I was smokin' that substance through a pipe
I was lookin for stability and substance in life
So understand my perspective before you criticize me
You ain't walked a mile in my shoes so your hatred doesn't surprise me
Now, I realize that almost nothin' can change your mind
But at least show some fucking sympathy when you see the man crying
Or kid for that matter, I ain't done growing
But so much is expected when facial hair starts showing
Like, no more questions about petty little things
Like why's Mommy poppin pills; before she used to sing
Or why're they still together, Pops fucked the whole thing
And I can't cry in nobody's arms, so I find solace in the drink
At least it's more accepted than drugs as a getaway
But the whole time I'm buzzed I'm seeing life get away

This is a deep story and reminds me of something the great Langsthon Hughes would have wrote if writing bout today. I enjoyed the poetry that you wrote here and I could see this as a spoken word espcially the part where you say "some fuckiong sympathy". I ask if this is a true story of yours? If it is pretty damn good caputring the essesnce of your struggle.

 

[jm5471]

nice work never read ne thing from u before but i def enjoyed this, keep it up

 

[Kadafi Son]

I agree with's Menace

In some type of way, I feel like this my poem lol cuz I went thru somethin' similar 2 this (check out my poems, homie!) But besides that, it was real deep and I was feelin' u on the personal tip. Don't Stop...

Peace

 

[Ivory$horty]

This started off as a great piece:
Back when I was smokin' that substance through a pipe
I was lookin for stability and substance in life
I'm not quite sure I liked 'the ending' cos to me it seemed like you had a whole lot more you wanted to write but you didn't. And it ended too abruptly for my liking.
Never-the-less, it was a good piece. Flow was a lil off in some places...too forced. But the meaning was there...and in some pieces, that's all that matters.
Maybe experiment with this and see where else it may take you. Cos I'd love to see how far you can go.
Keep it up.