Santa Claus
North Pole, Earth
Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at dirk diggler's Office party. It was santa claus who spiked the punch with too much pee. I can't help it if I drank 9 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like poo.
I thought it was funny when I put ron jeremy's boxers on my head and danced the chicken dance on the chair while singing `grandma got run over by a reindeer'. I didn't mean to break dirk diggler's dildo and don't know why dirk diggler would accuse me of digital rape.
I don't remember calling santa's wife a write a letter cow---even though she looked like one with red eye shadow and red lipstick!
And when I threw up on mrs.claus's husband's boobs, it was only because I ate too much of that cookies.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my cadillac through my neighbor's door. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a open door cat and have me arrested for theft!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all running away and stealing from the store. And I'm really not to blame for any of this going grocery shopping stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and dont know yours,
steve (Really a nice boy!)
P.S. It's only 7 bucks!