cookies 1st rap - untitled

[cookies]

wassup y'all, heres one of the first proper raps i ever wrote and spat. sorry the quality aint so good. im basically working with what little i have

the lyrics are as follows

Mama don’t you know your son wanna cry
So much stress I can’t deal from inside
I close my eyes and hear the thoughts of a dead guy
Getting high seeing black angels in the sky
How can I stress how I feel from inside
Unable to reveal the real state I’m getting tired
Whys a brother lying dead outside
Family not to be seen by his side
Its obscene, you’ll see em weeping under the sheets
Or hiding unable to speak and reach
Please help em god release them from the grief
And let happiness flourish back on the streets
What am i suppose to do praise a young Jew
Or run up on em and take em of they shoes
You hear the suffering but u still wanna drink brew
And selling crack will never get your ass through
Do what ya gotta do, but remember to remain true
Strap your ass and act upon the rule
Listen don’t you understand what im sayin
Im talking about your mothers woes, Brother how is it your confused

http://www.zshare.net/audio/untitled-cookies-mp3.html

feedback would be greatly apprecated

 

[7 Syns]

It's pretty good of an effort, the rhyme itself was written nicely. The mood provided by the beat as an extra. The flow was cool, delivery needs some work but other than that it's a dope track homie.

peac3.

 

[cookies]

lol,i thought id never get a reply.
thanks for the feedback. i think iv improved on my delivery a lil with some tracks iv done more recently.

 

[Chronic]

For your first proper track it's a nice little verse. Wasn't feeling the delivery much, flow was somewhat on point. Beat fit nicely.

If you think you've improved on later tracks you should definitely drop another track.

 

[killahill187um]

im really feelin the beat kinda westcoast feelin on it.
hmm your flow is good
and lyrcs r good

 

[2pac2162]

it sounds good man