I don't want it back, I resigned for personal reasons.
As for being stepped on. I have been for years. The past six months have changed me. I am no longer as insecure as I was.
You need to understand something else though. You and me are on, i'll re-use an analogy, on different sides of a river. You think some people are too nice, I think some people are too harsh. The difference is that no matter what I come off as, I chose to come off as that person.
A person who enjoys life has less empathy for people who are having a hard time than someone who is actually having a hard time. I've had hard times. If you want to drag a "children starve in africa" comparison into this, i'm gonna say fuck you. Whether your bank account says -200,00 or if it says 50,000,000, the pain a person endures when an expectation that person built up in his head wasn't met is equally real. It's easy for a poor person to trivialize the mental problems of someone who is rich. "He can buy whatever he wants, what does he have to complain about". Do you know what synthetic happiness is? If I loose a foot, a girlfriend, a car, a house or a friend, it's gonna feel like the end of the world. Six months later, it's gone. By then you have a new life with new things that you value.
Your persona is a typical persona that I respect, but at the same time feel disgust for. I am an insecure and some times confused person when it comes to my emotions. When it comes to my ambition and opinions, I am as self-secure as can be. I have been that sorry ass emo kid. No one met me the way I wanted or wished for. It's mere luck that I'm not still making threads about how much I hate the world. It's not because people treated me in a way that made me feel worth. The way you are talking to me right now, by now I am man enough to take it and I know what you are saying is right. You are one type of person, I am another type. You are skeptical towards most things. I can allow myself to get ripped off to not make a scene or an unpleasant situation because materialistic things have no meaning for me. That doesn't mean I didn't call the scam from the get-go. It just means I know there are good and bad people out there, and meeting force with force is like pouring fuel on a fire. An emo doesn't need to be told he's a loser and needs to get a grip. He needs compassion and understanding and respect. If not, he's gonna continue emoing to death. People with your particular attitude seem to not grasp this concept. You think that when someone does something that is not morally justifiable, you automatically booth them as some sort of person that is characterized by certain things.
The fact of the matter is that you don't need to tell me this because I am grown now. If I'm not mistaken I'm even a year older than you. Soon as a person forgets about the sad people who were "left behind" by society, and experiences success in life and advances, the person loses focus on the people who he or she once used to relate to, and become different people. For their own sake, this is the healthiest thing to do, but come on man. Be a little bit compassionate. If you really mean what you say, instead of saying "get a grip on yourself", ask my why I do the things I do and let me explain them. THEN make your assumptions and opinions up and tell me what you think I should or shouldn't do.
You don't know me man. You know a person who writes a lot of silly/depressive thoughts that I believe are mirrored in one of two young people today. At least in Norway. You don't know what I stand for. I don't let nobody step on my toes. Last night I was in my car with a notorious criminal here in my town. It's a small place, but he beat a man to the point where he ended up being handicapped for life... over a dime bag. I left him with a friend in the car because they were gonna shoot amphetamine. I knew what was up, but stupid and nice as I am, I thought what the heck. I took the car keys with me and went back up to the house I was at a party at, and when I come back 20 minutes later he had used a screwdriver to dry and start my car. He fucked up the whole thing that you put the key in. He told me to leave so he could break the window so I could go to the police so my insurance would cover it. I fear this man, and yet, I told him, "dude, this is unacceptable behavior and this is the last time I show you this type of trust". I don't need help learning about the world, I need people to understand that not everyone is like you (directed towards many people, not just you S O F I). However, If I suddenly change and become this coldhearted dude who just gives a fuck and soon as I take on that cynical attitude, I lose my inclination to show compassion for those whose situations I can relate to. Mentall illness at a lower, albeit very real level. I don't want that, because those are the kind of people who have mistreated me because I smoked a little bit of weed and shit. They distanced themselves. I blame no one but myself, but at the same time, it gave me a real life experience of what type of person I definitely do not want to ever become.
So thanks for your advice, but I think I'm more reflected than you think, and I'm not as naive as I may come off as - I chose to be that person because when I am that person I am a good person. When I am one hundred percent happy, I'm not such a good person. I speak from experience, not some stupid wiki article. I've smoked weed on and off for years, I have had friends abandon me, I have been ripped off, I have been connected with the wrong type of people, I know how the world works my friend. But the system in the world today doesn't work as obviously can be seen when developing countries are being ripped off and milked for valuable resources that are later sold back to them in fabricated form at a way higher price. The world is a fucked up place, and like every kid my age I'm here to try and change it. In time I'll learn, but for now I'm gonna do me :thumb:
D Okay that was a joke the rest of the post is serious)
