A police officer pulls a Navy Chief over for speeding and
has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Navy Chief Petty Officer: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Navy Chief: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Navy Chief: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Navy Chief: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Navy Chief: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Navy Chief: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Navy Chief: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Navy Chief: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Navy Chief: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it.
The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Navy Chief: Yeah, I'll bet the liar said that I was speeding, too.
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Police are called to a pedestrian struck by a train. The pedestrian's body parts are strewn along the tracks for about a mile. The officers started to collect the parts in order to identify the deceased. Eventually the head was found in a ditch beside the rails. A policeman picks it up and walks into a local bar not far from the tracks. As he walks into the bar he holds the head up high for all to see and says "Does anyone recognize this guy?" All the patrons turn on their stools and have a look. One of them pipes up and says "Well, he kind 'a looks like my brother 'cept my brother's not that tall."
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A little old Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband Jacob know as soon as I get home," said the little old Amish lady.
"That's fine," said the officer.
"Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!"
Later that day, the little old Amish lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
"Well, what exactly did he say?" said the husband.
"He said the reflector is broken."
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?"
"I'm not sure," said the little old Amish lady, "something about the emergency brake...."
has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Navy Chief Petty Officer: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Navy Chief: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Navy Chief: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Navy Chief: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Navy Chief: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Navy Chief: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Navy Chief: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Navy Chief: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Navy Chief: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it.
The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Navy Chief: Yeah, I'll bet the liar said that I was speeding, too.
.
.
.
.
.
Police are called to a pedestrian struck by a train. The pedestrian's body parts are strewn along the tracks for about a mile. The officers started to collect the parts in order to identify the deceased. Eventually the head was found in a ditch beside the rails. A policeman picks it up and walks into a local bar not far from the tracks. As he walks into the bar he holds the head up high for all to see and says "Does anyone recognize this guy?" All the patrons turn on their stools and have a look. One of them pipes up and says "Well, he kind 'a looks like my brother 'cept my brother's not that tall."
.
.
.
.
.
A little old Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband Jacob know as soon as I get home," said the little old Amish lady.
"That's fine," said the officer.
"Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!"
Later that day, the little old Amish lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
"Well, what exactly did he say?" said the husband.
"He said the reflector is broken."
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?"
"I'm not sure," said the little old Amish lady, "something about the emergency brake...."
