Alen - 6'7" Freestyle

[choppa]

This is my younger brother. He's been writing for about a year, but he's just now starting to actually rap and record so his flow and delivery aren't perfect yet. Let me know what you guys think, and constructive criticism would be great. He's doing another song on Thursday, so I'll post that soon after.

 

[Shadows]

He got quieter on some parts. Tell him to keep the same energy throughout the whole track. If he's not, either he needs to learn his lyrics better, or change the transition a bit.
He needs a little bit of more emotion. As an artist, he needs "Conviction"...I need to BELIEVE what you're saying. Either make the voice deeper or higher pitched. When he says "mic on my left hand, gun on my right" he needs to highlight "MIC on my LEFT hand, GUN on my RIGHT" etc...
If he can't, he needs to provide more word play to his punches to still be entertained, like Fabolous does.

Writing tip: Tell him to transition his rhyme into another rhyme, otherwise he will say a bunch of words without any rhymes and the audience might lose him.
I.e.

A,B
C,B
B, D
F, D

The B rhyme will go into D.

He did
A,B
C,B
D,E
F,E
Most of the time.

Check out Nicki's right through me

You let me win, (A) You let me ride (B)
You let me rock,(C) You let me slide (B)
And when they looking,(D) You let me hide (B)
Defend my honor, (F) Protect my pride (B)
The good advice, (B) I always hated (G)
But looking back , (H) It made me greater (G)

see how she went in on B, then before she switched to G, she used B again to transition to G.
don't ALWAYS do this, it will kill the flow. but i'm saying it, b/c it helps the flow a lot too.

 

[Shadows]

you know what? my bad brotha, i forgot to give credit where it was due.

He did flow well. ESPECIALLY for his first time. His voice is a nice rapping voice and it wasn't choppy. Usually rappers have it really choppy at first. and need a lot of editing and work. I can tell he studied and took a lot of time on it.

 

[choppa]

Thanks a lot for the advice man, it's appreciated. I'll def pass it a long to him.

 

[Shadows]

No problem brotha.

*BUMP* for more views.

 

[S O F I]

You guys Bosnian?

 

[choppa]

Thanks Shadows.

Yeah SOFI we are lol. I think I spoke to you on here before, but I haven't been on here in years.

 

[S O F I]

Yeah, I thought I remembered your name and then the Alen thing gave it away haha. I wasn't sure because I couldn't notice an accent, WHICH IS GOOD, if he's serious about his rap shit.

 

[choppa]

Haha, yeah we've been here forever so neither of us have much of an accent. He loves to write music, but it's hard to get noticed in this city because EVERYONE is a rapper now lol. We'll see what happens tho.

 

[choppa]

We'll be dropping some new songs soon, but I don't get on here very much, so if anybody wants to hear our new stuff here are a few places you can follow us at:

NewVisionMusic
New Vision (NewVisionENT) on Twitter
NewVisionEntertainment | Facebook

 

[Bigg Limn]

Got a good voice. Pretty solid flow, delivery sounds a lil weak tho lackin some confidence. Lyrics cool for a freestyle but it sounds like a memorized written - in that case theyre basic but whatever nobody seems 2 give a damn about those anymore thanks Weezy.

 

[choppa]

Thanks for the comments Limn. Like I said, he's still learning, so he takes everything people say into consideration.

 

[choppa]

I didn't want to make a new threat, but here's another artist from the label with a song he did a few years ago:

 

[choppa]

Here's a new one:

 

[Shadows]

The first dude was better, but still needs work.

I recommend not doing freestyles from the head, unless there is a DJ to mix the beat on spot.

When you have a beat, I'd suggest to do written that will truly aww the viewers.

 

[choppa]

Thanks for the advice Shadows. Appreciate it.

Here's a new song they did tonight: