It’s almost all over for Apple. Missing prototype iPhones, worker suicides, a deranged ‘no nipples’ rule and now they’re about to be battered by Google and their secret weapon – a frozen yoghurt.
The new version of the Android operating system, 2.2, aka Froyo (short for ‘frozen yoghurt’) is due to be launched next week at the latest. And as well as having full Flash support, it’ll also have built-in USB tethering, allowing users to share their data connections with their laptops (which we’re sure will delight the mobile phone networks.) There’ll even be the ability to turn the handset into a portable WiFi hotspot. What has the iPhone got in comparison to all of that? A new level on Angry Birds. Pah! It’s not even that hard to complete!
Meanwhile, Adobe are fighting back against Apple’s anti-Flash stance, taking out a series of ads and calling Steve Jobs and his crazy crew knobheads. Or something.
Here’s our predictions for the inevitable end of Apple – we’re giving them 18 months at the most…
JULY 2010: Apple remove the ability to watch Downfall parodies on the iPhone after Steve Jobs calls them ‘kinda silly.’
NOVEMBER 2010: After series of increasingly ridiculous bids, Jobs buys Adobe so that he can rid the world of Flash forever. He even buys the rights to the popular kitchen cleaning product of the same name as well as the rights to Flash Gordon. He then fires the whole lot of it into outer space.
APRIL 2011: Apple bring out iPad 2.0 but it contains a number of enormous glitches. Users who run the ‘Etch-A-Sketch’ app are unable to exit it, rendering their iPads useless… unless they love Etch-A-Sketch.
SEPTEMBER 2011: The final straw for the keen-eyed consumer… the iBundle. Every Apple product that has been made since 1984 is fixed together in one humungous lump and none of them can be purchased separately. RRP – £26,000.