Vantage Point

[GhettoStar]

Vantage Point (5-23-07)



Verse 1:


Hair, the Garden of Eden/

Smile, the stars in the evening/

Voice, melodic, soaked in wine/

Eyes, gates to a golden time/

Touch, the smoothest cashmere/

Style, improving on last year/

And the soul, my god, the soul's poetry/

Too advanced for my hands to show it free/

A lotus dream, when seen my heart races/

Similar to those nomadic towards an Oasis/

The places we could go, the aspects that could grow/

Introducing me to a world that only "one" knows/

A heart lighter then a feather, a soul not of rust /

Lush treasures inside eyes, riches not seen by Tut/

Words could be provocative, saying I'm not that wish/

But it's evocative for me to hold onto this myth/



replied to Menace,Syn and Fliz somethin or other

 

[keco52]

I'm not a huge fan of this rhyming style but as always...you're awesome and then some. <3 ur the best.

 

[GhettoStar]

Its intresting that theres such a distaste 4 rhymin' when its a more diffcult task to do it in a way that doesnt come across simple...your writing a story with free verse to me. I dont know Im not a fan of non-rhyming just because its harder to make it believable as a poem...Im also a fan of Langston Hughes who utilized rhyme schemes. Guess Im old school, my fav. Walt Wittmen (notrious 4 free verse) is a rhyming piece, its just more catchy/memorable if it rhymes 2 me.But thank U baby U always make me smile

 

[The.Menace]

Im not a fan of non-rhyming

I agree so much.

Anyway, I like the poem, it uses pictures and it's not that easy to follow, read it a couple of times and I hope I understood know what are tryin to express. I wish it was all about the love for poetry, but I guess it's not only that, but in the end about the love for someone with nice eyes and a nice smile.

 

[GhettoStar]

What do U think poetry is? Its writting 2 express yourself. Add 2 tha fact that your style isnt drastically different then mine (except vocab, delivery structure/subject matter) it all equals 2 me shakin' my head. I have a love of poetry, its not fair (jokin or not) 2 make such a statement since established poets also focus on similar topics 4 inspiration.My main thing is imagery as well as story tellin. I thought this was good, well written piece 2 share but next time I must remember who my audience is

 

[The.Menace]

Man, I dunno, seems like my reply came across the wrong way or whatever. I thought this was good too, I didn't want to say it was bad. I only thought about the topic u wrote there and first of all I thought it was poetry it self you try to describe with the pictures but I came to the conclusion, that u probablly talk about a "real girl" there and love rather than poetry. Well. I hope that makes sense now, but in no way I tried to say u don't love poetry or judge your poetry or say this was shitty. And actually I dunno why u think I said that, what are u smokin on buddy? pass it.

 

[Farzin]

I like it. I had a huge response but it was retarded because i was tired. But i like it its very descriptive. Nice job post some more!

PS. Thanks for the reply to my poem. My name is Farzin Btw not Fiz lmao. Check out my other poems! i would like to hear what you think of them as well. I posted a ton you can find them all in the first page lol

 

[The.Menace]

over here, this poem does rhyme. And as I said before, I like the poem, I dunno where ya all r commin from.

 

[Farzin]

^I dont know! its 12:40 PM and i havent slept yet lol everything i said doesnt make sense i am deleting that PS. part. my bad.

 

[The.Menace]

no need 2 delete nothin cause we're all good. Never been different.

 

[Farzin]

^oh yes i did i mean for god sakes i thought the poem doesnt rhyme! until you pointed it out! i am totally out of it today. Need sleep.

 

[GhettoStar]

Ok that comment was clearer, the last one U didnt come across tha way U wanted it, thanks 4 clearing it up and my apologises 4 coming off as upset. I wrote the piece 2 be a bit vague; thus, the lack of any reference 2 a "she" "her" plus the last line "hold onto this myth". If U couldnt tell I tried 2 use allusions to Egypt as well as a style made famous by Jean Toomer, a great (if not abstract/deep) poet/short story writer. So yea, it might be tha love of a girl but tha piece was meant 2 B open 4 debate

 

[kman_69]

Its intresting that theres such a distaste 4 rhymin' when its a more diffcult task to do it in a way that doesnt come across simple...your writing a story with free verse to me. I dont know Im not a fan of non-rhyming just because its harder to make it believable as a poem...

yeah very true man.... im with you...


anyway, dope drop!...keep em it up!... always enjoy reading ur drops...

 

[GhettoStar]

yeah very true man.... im with you...


anyway, dope drop!...keep em it up!... always enjoy reading ur drops...

Thank ya...I dont post my work that much, on here at least, similar 2 my music, but there has been demand 4 me 2 post more so here a start.

 

[KJ1]

that was an interesting poem....... i know you all dont realize but these things you write teach beginners like me different styles so keep them comin