Bash.org

[masta247]

Stole a few hours of my life today.
I thought that it's only a Polish site but I found out that there's also an English counterpart.
Some quotes are classic:

<LifeIsGood2u> I got the worst fortune after having a condom break
<Incubor> what
<LifeISGood2u> "Even the smallest leak can sink a ship"
<Incubor> Damn Asian Cookies

<Fyad> When I bought siemens cellphone, siemens sold its cellular section. When I bought yakumo screen, yakumo got bunkrupt. When I bought fujitsu-siemens laptop, siemens sold its share.
<Fyad> Just curious what to buy next...
<r_heart> apple
<hoobsta> Apple
<sailo> apple

ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight asshole
cyph33r: YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I FUCKING HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

<@jamesG> You know those naruto headbands some people actually wear?
<@jamesG> I remember someone refering to them as "Pussy Deflectors"
<@jamesG> I laughed until I saw a female wearing one...

<Dr_Memory> I think there's a real argument to be made here that using RAID for home data storage is putting effort into the wrong end of the problem.
<Dr_Memory> when you can buy 2TB disks off the shelf, it's probably substantially simpler to just buy two of them, set up a good backup system, and reap the day-to-day simplicity benefits of one controller -> one disk -> one filesystem.
<Dr_Memory> or to put it another way: your kitten photos do not need the same high-availabity system infrastructure as Citibank's transaction databases
<topaz> I CAN HAS FIEV NIENS?

[ron`] Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll fuck you with a rake

<Montana> yeh but chinese for dinner.. Peking Dick FTW
<Dauntless> ... LOL
<Montana> omg here we go
<Dauntless> Can you say bash.org?
<Montana> why? so it can join the other 1 million quotes of random people saying 'i love wang.. oops typo, i meant computers.
<Montana> Screw this
<Montana> If i'm getting quoted I'm getting my moneys worth:
<Montana> MONTY PRESENTS THE ULTIMATE QUOTE
<Montana> OMFG my naked sister just ran into my room and before I could sex her she set fire/other means of destruction to my room but because Im a total geek it doesnt occur to me to get of irc and fix it.
<Montana> I instead enter a conversation on computers: OMG MY COMPUTER HAS GOT A VIRUS! OH WAIT NO, ITS WINDOWS/LINUX/MAC/NORTON/AOL. Now for the obligatory Windows ME insult where the name of the product is mistaken for a pronoun for myself:
<Montana> ME SO GAY! WHOOPS IT LOOKS LIKE THE INTENDED PURPOSE OF THAT STATEMENT WAS TO HIGHLIGHT MY OWN HOMOSEXUALITY WHEREAS I MEANT IT TO BE THE HOMOSEXUALITY OF THE OPERATING SYSTEM! HOW EMBARASSING!
<Montana> Now for the topic of sex:
<Montana> I HAVE A GF.. AND BY GF I OF COURSE MEAN A GFORCE 20MB 3.45 SYSTEM RETRO POWER MAX SUPERMAN RAPING COMPUTER STICK!
<Montana> Furthermore, I make a comment as to the worth of sex but comment of my lack of sexual activity.
<Montana> Hmm
<Montana> I'm forgetting the most impostant part! The lack of social interaction!
<Montana> OMG I just opened my blinds and the sunlight burnt and I saw this guy with a swollen chest and I was like WTF and my dad says 'thats called a girl' im like WTF IS A GIRL then i went and downloaded 50GB of porn.
<Montana> </end rant>
<Montana> Anyways, as I said before.. dinner.. brb
<Dauntless> o_o

#642195 +(6988)- [X]

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don’t fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I’m serious.
sweet17: I don’t get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren’t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren’t
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn’t you.
bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
sweet17: You don’t look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You’re a fucking wanker!
sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren’t
bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I’m done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.
sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty
sweet17: You’ll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don’t know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I’m afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
sweet17: I didn’t say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can’t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: …still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: …going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

 

[keco52]

Lmao!!!!!

dragonflyblade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but i don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, you have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

 

[Duke]

The bloodninja convo still remains of the most epic things the internet ever brought forth.

 

[Prize Gotti]

I remember reading the pirate one years ago from that site, I laughed so hard I released a small amount of urine.

 

[Prize Gotti]

<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

LOL! Australians, luckiest prisoners in the world.

 

[masta247]

<speedycowboy> What do nine out of ten people enjoy?
<speedycowboy> Gang rape

<ruumis> FBI says upcoming terror attack will be "Spectacular!"...Donald Rumsfeld is calling it a "Must See", and Tom Ridge says, "If you heed just one Terror Warning this year...heed this one !"