I don't think this deserved its own thread, but screw it. I lol'd.
This is an actual job application that someone submitted to a
fast-food restaurant:
-------------------------------------------------------------
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
NAME:
(removed)
DESIRED POSITION:
Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I
was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in
the first place.
DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and
we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY:
Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you
have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse
Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks
I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to
be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE:
Scorpio with Libra rising.
This is an actual job application that someone submitted to a
fast-food restaurant:
-------------------------------------------------------------
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
NAME:
(removed)
DESIRED POSITION:
Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I
was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in
the first place.
DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and
we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY:
Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you
have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse
Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks
I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to
be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE:
Scorpio with Libra rising.
