Animal Control

[dilla]

Jokerman lives in an apartment. What a loser.

Most atheists are.

 

[dilla]

Jokerman lives in an apartment. What a loser.

Most atheists are.

 

[Jokerman]

So I was typing a reply in here and I see a small animal scurry across my carpet. Never had a mouse in here before. I gave chase and cornered it but it managed to get away. But I got a good look at it. Small, brown and furry. Didn't look like any mouse I've ever seen. Cute. I'm thinking someone's pet, maybe a guinea pig. There's a few other apartments on my floor and I'm thinking it came from one of them. So the question is, how do I catch it without killing it or spending money on an elaborate trap? I know cheese, but then what? (I think maybe it was God, so your answer is important.)

 

[Chronic]

I don't know if you were being serious but you'll never confused a guinea pig for a mouse, they're about 5 times their size. I've read that peanut butter actually works a lot better than cheese. If it's a mouse you can buy a mouse trap (one that traps) such as http://www.victormousetrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/live-mouse-trap.jpg. They should be really cheap. You can also make a home-made mouse trap. Something that comes to mind is a trash can with food inside made accessible by something on the side it can climb on. But the can should be too high for it to jump out of again. Or just some kind of container with a portal and construct something right before the portal so it can open to the inside but not to the outside.

Or this (but with some adaptions because this seems kind of only 60% there)

 

[dilla]

If it's God, go circumcise your neighbor's baby and then offer it in a sacrifice, preferably in a fire. Chant some random garble and then sip the baby's blood from the Goblet of Coon. Oh wait, I forgot. Before you sacrifice the baby, drain it of it's blood into the Goblet of Coon. Find the mouse hole where he sleeps in, tie a piece of cheese to your "coin purse", and let it hang low and dangle outside the hole. When he bites, you'll know, and that's your chance to nab him.

 

[Duke]

Something they can climb into but not out of works best, as Chronic already said.

Cheese doesn't work particularly well on mice. They're not the big cheese lovers cartoons want us to think. They like vegetables and fruits. A few pieces of carrot, banana, apple, corn, stuff like that.

Are you sure it's a mouse? How can you not be sure? It's near impossible to mistake a mouse for a guinea pig because of the size difference.

Was it quick and nimble? Did it run or did it really scurry?

 

[Jokerman]

It ran but it was furry without a mouse snout. I'm thinking a baby guinea pig. The babies are not big, are they? Or it could have been a cow. A guinea cow.

 

[Chronic]

Hamsta perhaps?

Mouse or hamster? HAMSTA! Fuckers look so much alike.

Baby guinea pigs are still kind of big I think. Bigger than rats perhaps. Probably not longer but far more bulky.

The adult guinea pig is this pic is probably as big as your foot to compare.

 

[masta247]

Chase it, rape, bite its head off and spit in your neighbor's face.
That's how a proper atheist should treat a possibly-God creature.

 

[Chronic]

I'm hi-jacking your thread and I'm probably the only person who finds the resemblance interesting but when guinea pigs stretch their heads forward you can see that they're closely related to the Capybara (who have the most awesome apathetic look)

That is all.

 

[Jokerman]

It might be a hamster but it was cuter and didn't have those mousey ears or face. But seeing those pics of guineas, it didn't look like that either. I think it was a baby Chupacabra. If I catch it I'll ship it to you, Chronic.

 

[Chronic]

Was this it?

I've slept with worse

 

[dilla]

I'm hi-jacking your thread and I'm probably the only person who finds the resemblance interesting but when guinea pigs stretch their heads forward you can see that they're closely related to the Capybara (who have the most awesome apathetic look)

That is all.

Relation to the capybara? Evolution? Coonshit!! God made them that way.

 

[S O F I]

Jokerman lives in an apartment. What a loser.

 

[Elmira]

Chronic, I advised sir Jokerman to make a thread of this knowing your knowledge on furry creatures, especially guinea pigs, was astounding. Your insights however, into the countenance of the adult guinea when feeding, and how they very closely resemble the look of the apathetic Chupawhateverwhatever are bonus, a delightful surprise! You have met my expectations and even exceeded them! The next time I have any pest or animal control problem, I will surely come to you, for your eloquent commentary and your quick thinking in the face of danger.