A Hypothetical Situation

[_carmi]

i'm bored so i'm thinking and here's my hypothetical situation.

let's say my mother asked me for 200$ for some unknown reason. let's precise that unknown reason is not an essential need but not totally unnecessary either. and i answer that i will lend her maybe 150 depending on how much my cellular costs me tomorrow. so she asks for it tonight and i tell her no, that's i'll give it to her tomorrow. now she got frustrated, told me to never ask money (which i never do, i always manage with whatever money i have). and i know she doesn't need it for tonight.

considering that she does not pay back money very fast because she still owes me 600$ from like a year ago. should i even consider lending her money knowing that she won't pay back until forever (if not even longer) because she doesn't consider what she owes me as urgent.

and this situation is totally not hypothetical. and it's not like my mother's poor or whatever, she just can't manage money. she's not able to budget herself.

and what pisses me off is that when i todl her tomorrow, she got pissed and told me how i'm not nice and everything. how the hell am i not nice here? i'm telling her tomorrow cause i really wanna get this new plan before the offer expires (expires on the 30th) and i just got my paycheck thursday and i know by the 30th i won't have the money anymore to get the plan and the call. am i selfish? personally i don't think so, but she tries to make me feel bad about this.

what frustrates me even more is that she doesn't even consider the fact that i'm a student and that never pays stuff for me. i buy my own clothes, my own school books, etc. the only thing she still paid for me is my cell phone but that will be thing of the past as of tomorrow. and considering i don't work much cause i don't have the time too, how can she impose on me like this?

gotta vent. but anyways that's it. and woww that came to be a very long post.

 

[Cooper]

Not really hypothetical lol.

 

[Tru Principle]

I'm trying to read and everything. But it's hard, hard because this person presumably raised you.

I think you should give her half a liver, a few kidneys and some lungs if she asked you to.

 

[Jocka]

carmi, I can relate completely. My moms going on owing me a few grand. The other day she asked for "as much as I could afford to give" which is NOTHING since I just had another kid. But she expected like $200-$500. I basically told her she'd make it without my help. The only reason I don't just hand her money now is because she has a gambling problem and almost always goes straight to the casino with the money i lend her.

If your mother just bums off you then I say let her stick it out. If she just needs your help and you can seriously see that she needs the help then you should give her the money no questions ask and not even expect to get paid back. The only money I consider that she owes me is that that I gave her and she spent on pure junk or at the casino.

 

[Synful*Luv]

My mom rarely asks me for anything so if she does ask me I give it to her for several reasons. She sacrificed A LOT for me. More than most parents would and/or have for their children, so I owe her my life. Not just b/c she gave birth to me, any woman can give birth but because she loves me unconditionally enough to continuously put my needs/wants before hers. Plus she never asks for more than what she needs, probably wouldn't even ask for what she needs so sometimes I just give her money if I have something extra... just in case. I've never had a "moocher" parent but I have a few moocher aunts and I tell them no with ease. The first time sure you can borrow but I am not money tree, lol, sometimes I don't have it. Tough call Carmi.

 

[Tha_Wood]

i think you should give her the money

 

[Flipmo]

I'd give my mom wtv amount she needed, unless it was for a black tar heroin addiction. My parents invest a lot of money to raise a child and I realize that now. So 200 isn't shit off my back compared to the 40 000$ a child may cost to raise.

But, hey.. C'est ta vie ma chere.

 

[Sebastian]

Give her the money? Pff, tell her to give you the 600 she still owes you. Then you could talk about everything else.

I'd give my mom wtv amount she needed, unless it was for a black tar heroin addiction. My parents invest a lot of money to raise a child and I realize that now. So 200 isn't shit off my back compared to the 40 000$ a child may cost to raise.

But, hey.. C'est ta vie ma chere.

What? Over here they always say it costs at least 250.000€.

 

[Jocka]

Out of respect for your mom it should be considered but all these people that say "cuz my mom paid all this money to raise me", thats just dumb. I mean of course she did but it's not like your crawled out as a sperm and chatted about it first. You was in on the plan from the day your mom met your dad. You didn't ASK to be here and didn't ASK to be taken care of. That's like giving your father an award every year for not hitting your mom. It just doesn't make sense.

So again out of respect you could loan your mom the money. It's not like $200 would end your life on the spot. But then again if she's like my mom then $200 could easily be blown without hesitation.

 

[Preach]

I think you should give her half a liver, a few kidneys and some lungs if she asked you to.

in _carmi's defense, i doubt her unwillingness to loan her mother money has anything to do with lack of love for her mother. _carmi's been talking about that new phone and subscription for a month now lol. a phone and a phone subscription is a pretty essential part of a young adult's life, at least in our generation. however...

I'm trying to read and everything. But it's hard, hard because this person presumably raised you.

this much i agree with. it seems like a weird type of relationship you have with your mother. "weird" as in "different than i have with my mother", which again, might seem equally weird to you. my experience is that an open relationship is key, and there's obviously something in the air if she gets all pissy about not being able to immediately loan money. in her mind, she may be as right as you are in yours. in this case, however, i would say the favor leans towards you. get that subscription, your mother is a grown woman, but at the same time (and since you wanna become a psychologist, look at this as a little experience of your own if anything) you need to make her see the context you are seeing, that you really need this, and it's essential to your happiness, and the downer of missing this opportunity would be equally essential to a potential trip. Not a really bad trip, but it's not nice when expectations aren't met, and you're expecting to get that phone with that contract. Your mother fucked up when she went out of money, she has no right to get pissy with you when you decide you want to control your own money the way yourself see fit, for you are also grown.

allow me to speculate for one little second before i close. maybe deep down she misses you or wishes you'd call more often, or heck, even tell her you love her. what i know is a fact is that whenever someone is acting unreasonable, their mind is haunted by demons, no doubt. so something's probably bothering your mother, but i would have done the same thing you did.

hope that helped.

 

[Preach]

as to the money question, i just read what people have to say and uh..

arguably, even when your child turns 18 and is his or her own lord, you as a parent are not relieved of all your duties. fifty, thirdy, fifteen years ago maybe, but not today. most of today's "parents" never put themselves in a position where they need to loan money from their children, unless they are in the "bottom class of society" somehow. let's assume anyone with an internet connection does not in any way fall in under that category... even though having a child is an investment, any parent that expects to harness fruits from that investment arguably did it for the wrong reasons.

carmi's mother should be economically strong enough to support herself when carmi's already loaned her money and it's not about the amount carmi's mother spent on carmi throughout her life measured up against the amount of money carmi has given back, that's a completely cynical and wrong way to look at it. having a child means giving up a part of yourself to make someone else. such is the cycle of life.

now if she did end up fucking up and RLY needing money, and carmi wouldn't loan her the money out of principle, the case would be different. but carmi precised she does not immediately need the money, and like i mentioned above, it's okay for a mother to ask, but imo it's completely wrong for a mother to EXPECT this from her child. differences of opinions, i guess.

 

[Sebastian]

Look, its that easy:

If carmi is telling the truth and her mother isnt poor, she just cant manage to deal with money, plus she still owes her 600...then....no, no money for her.

 

[Flipmo]

Give her the money? Pff, tell her to give you the 600 she still owes you. Then you could talk about everything else.



What? Over here they always say it costs at least 250.000€.

Oh, I'm pretty sure it's more than 40 000, I forgot the exact number here in Canada, but it sure as hell is not the 250 000€ you guys have to pay.

I was just making a point

 

[Sebastian]

Actually, they say it costs around 500.000 for each kid.lol Some weeks ago i read an article or a book in which it was explained and it was divided into two parts and....ah, forget it...

 

[Euphanasia]

I don't know. It seems like you're much more responsible than your mother. On one hand she is your mom and you care about her and you should help her out if you can. On the other hand, if she knows she can ask you for money whenever she pleases and then take an eternity to pay you back (if at all) she's only going to continue this behavior. You could loan her the money this last time, but put your foot down. Set some guidelines, some rules. Let her know you expect to be reimbursed by such a date and if that doesn't happen, there will be no more loans.

 

[Farzin]

I can tell you something out of experience.

People who cannot manage money do not change until they hit a rock bottom. Even then it takes some convincing.

If it's a parent your obligation is making sure that person gets back on track with her life and managing money. That's a better thing to do than lending money and just contributing to the problem.

Not saying your mother has a problem but i am saying if this wasnt the first time and she really cant manage money you have to get her to understand that there isnt always someone there to bail her out.

If this is the first time she asks and it really aint that big of a deal then stop being so stingy. It's your mother. Maybe she wants something nice for herself. Help her out.

 

[The.Menace]

Not really hypothetical lol.

my very first thought lol.