Why do people act so "unapproachable"

[masta247]

I was wondering about an aspect of the modern society that makes people so distant from each other. You see - it's really, really hard to get in any decent relationship with most new people that don't know you through friends, family or who just think that they don't have anything in common with you.
Especially in bigger cities we encounter hundreds of people daily and usually we don't get to know anybody new. All those faces we walk by - we never approach them to just ask how are they or what and why are they here, it would be considered strange. We feel shy to just approach somebody and talk to him for no serious reason - for example while traveling in a bus or subway - wouldn't it be better to chat with a guy/girl standing next to you just to kill some time? Instead we decide to stand still and avoid any eye contact at all costs. We also avoid touching anybody because it wouldn't be nice if we did. If somebody approaches you alone on the street and he's not a tourist or such, you suspect that he's either mentally ill or wants to take something from you for his own profit.

Human don't believe in others. Good people don't even know how many good people there are because they won't open themselves for each other - instead they go around saying that there are only retards and evil fucks around - that's because those "bad people" socialise with others the most. I also partially blame them for creating that mentality in the society. On the other hand not everybody would like to chat with each other - there are busy people, there are people who have their own problems, bad days and such - but that's still a minority. Why people can't just open themselves for others? Is being affraid of getting hurt or offended a reason? If most of us, in fact positive people, would open ourselves for other people and were more eager to socialise with anybody we would like to without feeling shy or being perceived as insane - wouldn't that make the world better? Or will socialising with strangers always be a domain of bad guys?

 

[bacho2]

I'd be first to say, welcome to the cold world.

Better topic than to wonder about why we feel disconnected from people anyway.

You make very good points. When I think about things like this, I wonder is it the new generation thats causing this. Is it the time? Because we all have heard stories our parents tell us about their past lives, how good they're lives were back then compare to now. So, I often say it must be the time then because people change over the years. Thats my only explanation that it must be the “new” era and time. I might be wrong but I dont know.

But what frightens me about your post is that seeing that you live in Poland and I assume you say these thing as you have witness these type of “unapproachable” behavior in Poland. Because I always thought it was only in America that people were so "cold" like this.

When I went back to my home country last year for a month, I didn't really see these type of behavior among people there as much as I was used to seeing here on daily basis. So when I came back here I instantly notice the "unapproachable" behavior among people here and I thought it was sickening because life is so short and people aren’t taking full advantage of it.

I see it all the time. People are afraid to engage in a conversation with strangers. Like you said, if you don’t know me or I don’t know you, or if you don’t know somebody I know, another words if there is no relations between me and you, I don’t need to make another friend. This is peoples attitude.

We avoid eye contacts all the time. Most men do. Most women do as well. If you are afraid to look one another, than what else is left there to do? How could you not compliment (not flirt) to somebody you know or don’t know if she is attractive or something about her is attractive. Why are people afraid of that? Well not all but most are afraid.

I see this as waste of time. Life is short. Why “hide’ in your own place and not open up your options and make new friends or whatever. There are some who say they already have enough and don’t need to make more friends, but there are others who simple avoid interaction with new things and new people.

You condemning the “bad guys” that are the reason why there are this type of behavior among people, which is true but why should me or you suffer from other peoples wrong doings? Yea the terrorist acts and such make people not want to make new friends or so, but why me? What have I done wrong?

 

[lii]

ive been to the world that u desire. it was when i took ecstasy and went to a rave, everyone was my friend

 

[SicC]

Its just easier to be disconnected for most people, feel free to fix the issue bro.

pz

 

[Da_Funk]

I never knew this board was so full of pessimistic people.

I mean Masta, lets be real your post is the absolute extreme and I just can't agree with it.

 

[Preach]

i agree that it's a general tendency. people are becoming more secluded to themselves maybe. i'm not a sociologist, but i can see a lot of things that might be contributing factors. men and women are no longer inequal, more so they compete. this has caused an increase in seperations and divorces, which again contributes to our overall fear of being left behind. you need to work harder to come up because it's not like it was 50 years ago. most people who work shitty jobs don't advance too far up in the system. they end up working shitty jobs their whole life. terrorism and increased violence is probably also a huge factor here. life's more "complex" now, people have more to worry about, etc etc.

but i don't fully agree with what you're saying. when i'm walking on the street i don't necessarily walk around staring at people for a reaction. i'll mind my own like everybody else because normally i'm on my way to something/have something to do. smiling and nodding to strangers just doesn't sit well with me. not because i'm scared, but because it's a little weird to me. i started school though, bunch of people there ranging 20-30 years old. everyone's approachable there. everybody tries to make contact with everybody. i've had so many people try to befriend me lol. some people i didn't like so i didn't "give them" anything, some people i did like and we got study groups going now.

some times on weekends when i can afford it, i go to parties and then we go out, and i normally meet new people every time. some i like less than others, some are rejective, elitist, whatever, but i never have a problem finding a stranger to talk to if that's what i feel like doing. i mean, being drunk really negates this whole problem.

 

[Preach]

oh, and a side note. the dutch are very approachable. every dutch person i ever met outside of holland would like just sit down and talk to me lol. they don't seem to have this problem.

 

[Tha_Wood]

i dont really have this problem. if anything people here are to comfortable to come up and start a conversation with me about some useless shit or walk past and say hi.

i always try and make eye contact with hot looking girls, the usual reaction is a look of utter disgust from them in return

 

[masta247]

I never knew this board was so full of pessimistic people.

Actually I'm quite optimistic. I only described some sort of utopia. I would love to live in an open and optimistic community. Something that kids see in those 90's cartoons and we see on many romantic comedies - nice and kind people who are keen to socialise with each other on any occasion.

@Preach: Sure, when people are drunk it solves the problem but there are also as many people acting negative while being drunk. Also when I go to parties or at school usually people are socialising with each other and you meet many new people there. That's because they have something in common with you, also they usually kind of recognise you before getting to know you.
You said that you'd feel strange to approach a stranger - that's because people are not used to it. I think that society has many complexes (often making people act like dicks) and elements that should be changed but that's another story.

When you are a kid you're a better person, your brain is not "fucked" by the society yet. You often socialise with total strangers, you are happier, more keen to act like you should without feeling strange or shy.
That proves that our culture except teaching us proper things on how to act, also gives us a lot of defects.

 

[Euphanasia]

When you are a kid you're a better person, your brain is not "fucked" by the society yet. You often socialise with total strangers, you are happier, more keen to act like you should without feeling strange or shy.
That proves that our culture except teaching us proper things on how to act, also gives us a lot of defects.

I couldn't agree more.

 

[Preach]

@Preach: Sure, when people are drunk it solves the problem but there are also as many people acting negative while being drunk. Also when I go to parties or at school usually people are socialising with each other and you meet many new people there. That's because they have something in common with you, also they usually kind of recognise you before getting to know you.
You said that you'd feel strange to approach a stranger - that's because people are not used to it. I think that society has many complexes (often making people act like dicks) and elements that should be changed but that's another story.

When you are a kid you're a better person, your brain is not "fucked" by the society yet. You often socialise with total strangers, you are happier, more keen to act like you should without feeling strange or shy.
That proves that our culture except teaching us proper things on how to act, also gives us a lot of defects.

as a child you don't need to worry about the stuff you have to think about as an adult. when i come off work i'm less receptive to socializing. whenever i feel sad, stressed or exhausted i'm not my ideal self. some times i get that urge to just go out and meet new people. generally, i'm very receptive to socializing. but i don't pursue it unless i'm in a situation where it's forced. in school, at parties, etc, it makes sense to talk to other people. and everyone i know do this. when i'm walking home, trying to have lunch at some place, or whatever situation you've been in where you felt people were being inapproachable, i'll still smile and talk to strangers who approach me. but i'm not going around trying to please everyone by being nice.

the simple solution is, if we had a society where no one worked, everyone fended for themselves, everyone got treated equally, we wouldn't have this problem. if people could schedule their life purely on their own terms, people would have more freedom and feel more relaxed. but then you wouldn't be able to go to the store and know it was open. we couldn't have a set period of time where every store was open. where every service was available. we wouldn't be able to own land, we wouldn't have free health care. if oil drillers suddenly decided to take a 2 month vacation we wouldn't have gas for cars. it would be difficult to maintain a stock market. with no tax payers, there would be no infrastructure. all our fears and complexes, and all our exhaustion, is the price we pay for having things like the internet, cars, wealth, good food, airtravel, hospitals. it's a big ol' system that's tiring people to the extent where they show unnatural behavior for our species which is generally a very social species.

i hear what you're saying, i just feel it's important to point out that all those people who you feel are inapproachable, well it's not all complexes and fear. some times it's just lack of interest. i don't see why that should be considered a bad thing. i don't see this as something spiralling out of control. it's more or less been this way since the industrial revolution.

edit: btw, the thing about kids minds. if you look at baby tigers, they play around a lot. they investigate things. they observe things. try to catch a butterfly, creep into a hole. as they grow up, they don't do these things to the same extent. i was reading up on aquarium fish, and it seems most aquarium fish stop mating as much at an older age. they become less aggressive. they don't move around as much and as fast. i can't think of more examples, but there are lots of examples concerning humans in specific, that show that the processes in your body which come as a result of aging, have an effect on what catches your interest. not just because social structures keep molding you until you die. my grandpa, before he dies, would often feel a very obvious annoyance over being mentally reduced. he had a benign tumor in his brain. he didn't express it, but you could see how he gave up on simple tasks. it's not that he couldn't do them, but because it took more energy to do things he could have done with ease a few years back caused an annoyance that made him not do them. when you're a kid, your body is in better shape. when you become an adult, you don't have as much energy. this is a biological fact. kids are crazy. most people tone down in their later teenager years.

now you'd be happier, no doubt, if you had no one to worry about. the question is, would you like to go back to having the mind of a 7 year old and never thinking about anyone but yourself, as opposed to being able to care for a child yourself one day? girlfriend? the thing that fucks us all over the most isn't the big mean society, it's other people's demands and our desire to fulfill them.

 

[Da_Funk]

When you're a child you are awash in ignorance. As you grow up and have more experience in life you lose that ignorance. That is why you are a lot more happy when you're a kid. Not because you've become some estranged product of society.

 

[masta247]

yeah well, I partially agree but still I think that our civilization evolves thus we should develop more positivity in it. I tend to agree about that natural growing up part. Children tend to play around with each other while adults are serious (males also have to act "macho" while women have to act "unapproachable" because that's how things work in nature). On the other hand I think that our society makes it somewhat deeper. Animals are not shy or scared to approach each other within the same kind. Even adult dogs or cats "socialise" with each other. As you mentioned human kind in it's nature is really really sociable. We have the ability to accurately communicate, express our feelings and think "freely". We should develop it further instead of making ourselves unapproachable for other people.

There are video games, cinemas and various other entertainment tools which make adults play and socialise but our society doesn't fully approbate that kind of behavior. Men are meant to be macho like animals in nature - they have to work hard, make money to support their families and strive to be the best at their job, be better than others and like to manifest their greatness - just like animals. Why so serious I ask? People should relax and socialise with each other. You can feed your family while not being a cocky dick at the same time.

 

[Bender]

I talk to strangers.

 

[_carmi]

I say hi to strangers, stalk them and follow them around. Isn't that good enough socializing?

 

[Bender]

I say hi to strangers, stalk them and follow them around. Isn't that good enough socializing?

do you e-stalk me carmi? :horny:

 

[Bender]

over-population