Arranged Marriages

[Illuminattile]

What are the benefits of or arguments for arranged marriages? Same-sex marriages are criticised for being "wrong", but surely marrying (or being made to marry) someone you don't necessarily love and whom you haven't chosen to be with is worse. It's very common in the India, Pakistan and Bangladesh where it occurs irrespective of religion (by Hindus, Christians, Buddhists and Muslims alike). I'm not religious and I'm not old-fashioned, but I don't see how a system which removes all notion of love and romance from marriage can exist seemingly with little objection. Does it not contradict almost all ideas of marriage, religious or otherwise?

Your opinions?

NB:
I like posting topics like this; that can result in intelligent discussion, but don't require too much previous knowledge. Topics everyone can have an opinion on.

 

[not really ken]

First off, i got an arranged marriage. not in the 'normal' sense. it was 'arranged' with prior communication and completely free will, I could have pulled out whenever i wanted to. let me just add, i had a few girls 'on the go' before i settled on the one I am married to now. <---this is not what usually goes down, the bride and groom usually don't have a choice, which is bullshit whichever way you look at it.

benfits of arranged marriage are that , your guarenteed someone
no seriously though, a lot of it has got to do with how you take marriage. What you look for and generally how you are able to handle it. marriage needs a lot of work from both sides. usually lust helps that, but in arranged marriage, you start of rock bottom then you slowly build the emotional attachment up.

Love and romance before marriage is the most elevated you are going to be. its all downhill after that, nothing can compare to the 'thrill of the chase' thats the shit thing about it.

I was fucking scared when i got married, but now im really attatched to my wife and wouldn't want to change things. but I suppose Islam helps because i looked in her for good islamic ideals and values, i found em, and i like em so i dont really have a problem with her attitude and manner, even though she may not be the prettiest girl i have seen.

 

[AmerikazMost]

Ken alluded to the main advantage - the romance can't die because it was never there to begin with. You can't do anything but grow. The disadvantage would be if you were in love with someone else, or if your relationship never did grow.

 

[Jurhum]

It works. So why fix something that never broke?

 

[not really ken]

Ken alluded to the main advantage - the romance can't die because it was never there to begin with. You can't do anything but grow. The disadvantage would be if you were in love with someone else, or if your relationship never did grow.

i certainly went through this. there was just totally nothing at first. We agreed to marriage and all and never seen each other face to face. so the first night when i got with her alone was like ...hmmmm....ok......soooo.........rightio.........hmmmm

we still laugh about it. but webuilt it from scratch, she was always kinda cool with it but I went through alota of cold feet .

however, alot of what I was able to do, couldn't be done by someone like Illuminattile. simply because, it's like the accountabiltiy of islamic belief which stops a muslim from 'bad' actions, wheras a non muslim wouldn't believe in that accountabiltiy. similarly there's alot of stuff about marriage and what the messenger Mohammed said in regards to it. that is why I was able to go through with it. etc etc

 

[S O F I]

If we left out the impact of Hollywood romantic movies, we would come to a conclusion that an arranged marriage is not a bad thing, at all.

 

[Amara]

benfits of arranged marriage are that , your guarenteed someone
no seriously though, a lot of it has got to do with how you take marriage. What you look for and generally how you are able to handle it. marriage needs a lot of work from both sides. usually lust helps that, but in arranged marriage, you start of rock bottom then you slowly build the emotional attachment up.

Love and romance before marriage is the most elevated you are going to be. its all downhill after that, nothing can compare to the 'thrill of the chase' thats the shit thing about it.

I was fucking scared when i got married, but now im really attatched to my wife and wouldn't want to change things. but I suppose Islam helps because i looked in her for good islamic ideals and values, i found em, and i like em so i dont really have a problem with her attitude and manner, even though she may not be the prettiest girl i have seen.

It's a strange use of words you have chosen there...."attached" and "like."

The suggestion that marriage goes downhill if there has been love and romance before the wedding is a questionable one if you ask me. You said it yourself, you have to work to make a marriage work. If those who have chosen marriage let it slide, it is a result of their actions, not the method by which marriage came about. I guess it depends on what you view the purpose of marriage to be.... I see it as more than just "being with someone."

Marriage to me, is a partnership firmly rooted in the notion of love - the ultimate expression of devotion - that is something I need to find for myself. To know that someone has made a personal decision to chose you above all others to spend their life with - must be an incredible feeling. I could never force love upon myself (and i dare say, my parents would make a bad choice, lol).

I don't like the idea of marriage being a test or trial - requiring you to build something from nothing. I've learned to view it as pinnacle expression of all that is good between a man and a woman - you've met, you've fallen in love and now you're going to show that devotion by exclusively submitting to the greatest institution society has created.

 

[Glockmatic]

arranged marriages can make good families and bad families, just like non-arranged marriages.

 

[Vienna]

true

arranged marriages are good if the boy isnt a playa lol

 

[Pacaveli-T]

benefits: could be someone you love and cause less heartache (if you dont a;ready love someone else), stability and prosperity..

arguements: should be the persons involved decisions not parents, could cause many more problems and have more cons then pros, coupe may not be happy with eachother, maybe even domestic violence but no one even knows it...

i am against them in general but a lot have mixed feeling...depends on the religion i guess.

 

[imported_MAKaveli_10]

I dont agree with arranged marriges at all.

 

[Vienna]

forced marriages have recently been banned in saudi arabia...

u can say what u like
but since bush is here
things are starting to change in the mideast

 

[Cooper]

forced marriages have recently been banned in saudi arabia...

u can say what u like
but since bush is here
things are starting to change in the mideast

yea nothing like forced your way of thinking on to other cultures.

 

[Sebastian]

It works. So why fix something that never broke?

what works? the tradition of arranged marriages works, right...but these people marry because someone else told them to do it, not because they love each other, what marriage is basically about.

 

[Rukas]

Love and romance before marriage is the most elevated you are going to be. its all downhill after that, nothing can compare to the 'thrill of the chase' thats the shit thing about it.

And how exactly do you know this? Some people grow more in love as time goes by. You're using a negative stereotype to justify your lifestyle choice.

I was fucking scared when i got married, but now im really attatched to my wife and wouldn't want to change things.

Marriage isnt about being attached to someone, its about being in love with someone.

but I suppose Islam helps because i looked in her for good islamic ideals and values, i found em, and i like em so i dont really have a problem with her attitude and manner, even though she may not be the prettiest girl i have seen.

Thats just sad. It seems to me ken you are torn between two beliefs, like a little boy that knows he is doing bad, wants to be good, but does it anyway because its what gets him accepted. You say you're attached because of her faith in Islam, yet you make it obvious you do not love her, and you're not attracted to her. You have a friendship at best, not a marriage.

Ken alluded to the main advantage - the romance can't die because it was never there to begin with. You can't do anything but grow.

That is not an advantage! I would rather have 10 years of love, than a life time without.

yea nothing like forced your way of thinking on to other cultures.

Compared to what, forcing people to spend the rest of their lives together, often unhappy and satisfied emotionally? Damn I never thought Id agree with Bush...

It works. So why fix something that never broke?

Slavery worked too.

Arranged marriages are emotional slavery, and are not marriages at all. A marriage is based on love and trust, you can not love and trust someone you dont know. You say you want to work and make it build? I want to fall in love with a girl, marry her, and continue to work and make it build based around love. For any of you to say it is better to start from nothing, and build from scratch because love only goes down hill is absurd. You do realize people who are in love, have just as much ability to make it work and build on it than two strangers, in fact they have more because they have foundations based on love, trust and loyalty. Saying anything less is just trying to fool yourself. Ken Im sorry, but you based your whole life on an insecurity of being alone. You yourself said you are guaranteed to have someone with an arranged marriage, as opposed to a fear of being alone. That’s sad, but I am sure you will never admit it because a) you cant bring yourself to admit your whole lifestyle choice was wrong, or b) you’re actually brainwashed into thinking it’s the better option. Working on a marriage as strangers, as apposed to working on a marriage in a loving, loyal and trusting relationship.

Arranged marriages should be abolished.

 

[tupacmansion]

Compared to what, forcing people to spend the rest of their lives together, often unhappy and satisfied emotionally? Damn I never thought Id agree with Bush...

Slavery worked too.

Lets differenciate between forced marriages and arranged marriages. Arranged marriages involve free will, there is no brainwashing involved as you described. A western mentality makes this decision seem incomprehensible, but this used to take place all over the western world not so long ago. Also, only a small amount of arranged marriages are to a total stranger, usually the couple get to know eachother and then make a decision.
I don't particularly agree with this way of life, but to compare it to slavery is an exagerration. Slavery was accepted by the slave owners but not the slaves. Arranged marriages are accepted by both parties, so slavery is a bad example. Its a way of life, and if both parties agree, then let it be.

 

[not really ken]

And how exactly do you know this? Some people grow more in love as time goes by. You're using a negative stereotype to justify your lifestyle choice.

Justify my lifestyle choice? i don't need to justify anything. You don't even know what love is. The western ideals of love change every day.

Marriage isnt about being attached to someone, its about being in love with someone.

love? attatched? Now your just going into semantics. I would say i love her, but Western schools and Ideologies have told me that, love is when you look past the faults of your partner and stay with them regardless, why? because your attatched to that person. you looking too deep for things which aren't even there

Thats just sad. It seems to me ken you are torn between two beliefs, like a little boy that knows he is doing bad, wants to be good, but does it anyway because its what gets him accepted

lol, same could be said for you. it is the whole love and romance idea which says your a loser if you haven't had a girlfriend by this age. just go look at the figures of under age pregnancy etc and you will find a lot of it comes from peer pressusre and social norms. Put it down to sterotypes if you want but thats the same storm that you are trapped in. the classical put down anywhere in the world is "get your self a girlfriend" etc etc. Big eay made the thread the other day. where he said that he cummed on a girls face (considered the holy grail in most quaters ) but he STILL felt bad after he had done it. You aint getting no saifsfaction from the proverbial 'holy grails' so i think people like big easy are the sad ones, who are torn between doing the bad even though it makes them feel empty, he wants to be good and not degrade a girl like that, but does it anyway, because:

a) it's copnsidered cool
B)the 'bitch' just wants dick anyway.

funny thing is 'the bitch' is only doing it to be accepted and wanted even though she knows it's wrong. can you put all this down to negative sterotypes. and you tell me about being torn between two worlds

. You say you're attached because of her faith in Islam, yet you make it obvious you do not love her, and you're not attracted to her. You have a friendship at best, not a marriage.

no ,I said Islam helped in the process of me becoming 'attatched' to her. it wasn't the sole reason. YOur acting as if i'm a robot with no feelings whatsoever apart from following the shariah law. it is not like that. ok, and from many friends of mine who don't get arranged marriages, they themselves say that "marriage is all about being each otheres best friend". yes she is my best friend :thumb: . that's is what marriage is about.

tell me, what is a marriage supposed to be about?

Compared to what, forcing people to spend the rest of their lives together, often unhappy and satisfied emotionally? Damn I never thought Id agree with Bush...

Forcing? err, ok, whatever! it happens and is something which no one in their right minds can condone. talk about pulling sterotypes out of the bag.

unhappy and unsatisfied emotionally? this is like me saying that no black kid knows who his father is.

Ken Im sorry, but you based your whole life on an insecurity of being alone. You yourself said you are guaranteed to have someone with an arranged marriage,

if you couldnt see the joking element to my comment then go back and read properly. i continued with....but no, seriously....

as opposed to a fear of being alone. That’s sad, but I am sure you will never admit it because a) you cant bring yourself to admit your whole lifestyle choice was wrong, or b) you’re actually brainwashed into thinking it’s the better option. Working on a marriage as strangers, as apposed to working on a marriage in a loving, loyal and trusting relationship.

both options A and B go for you too.
fear of being alone? everybody no matter who they are goes through this. how is this a trait of only those who go for an arranged marriage. even people who have girlfriends are left thinking "is she the right one?" and vice versa.

 

[not really ken]

what works? the tradition of arranged marriages works, right...but these people marry because someone else told them to do it, not because they love each other, what marriage is basically about.

somebosy else? listne, arranged marriage is a mututal decision by the guy and girl . other people may have a say in the sense of parents advising their offspring as to what decisions may be better for them.

the girl and guy mututally agree that is arranged marriage. everything else is forced.

 

[makadon]

It's a business relationship. An arranged marriage is similar to a joint venture. Other cultures have different definitions of marriage. For example in some cultures a man can have as many wives as he wants.

 

[devils_advok8]

You seem to have missed a point, ken:engagment.
It's not as bad as you think people.Usually the man and the woman's parents either know each other or have a common contact, and the one who wants to get married goes with his parents to the parent's house, and after the parents' agreement, meet the girl.If both of them agreed on marriage, an engagment would be set.Usually, there's like several months, even a year, and years at cases, till marriage.You got enough time to think about it, and you get to see the girl, go out with her, get to know her better, etc, before marriage.If you decided it'd be better if you married someone else, you can break the engagment.
Personally, I think it's the ideal way of marriage.If you were to think of it people, our divorce cases are more than ten times less than that of the west (proportianally).