I come through a strange time of life, I guess I'm becoming a mature man. I feel kind of depressed, anxious, I don't feel any pleasure at times and it's all cool when I'm outside with friends drinking but whenever I get home or have too much time to think my mind keeps fucking with me on most annoying matters. I find that everything I lived for before is stupid/unimportant/irrevelant/gone and now I have more and more mature thoughts. I also know that I just ended some kind of big part of my life, nothing particular happened but I can feel my brain changing fast somehow. Things that gave me pleasure before tend to suck now, things I really liked don't give me any pleasure no more and I started to think about "what do I live for now". I was feeling down but since few days I'm having some new kind of optimistic thoughts that were depressing before. I'm turning 20 now, I never understood the joy of starting a family (man+woman+kids) and wanted to wait with it as long as possible. Now strangely I feel like I want a nice, loving woman and I want to start a family with her. I suddenly understood the reason to study, to work - that I do it for my future family and somehow I know that it's my only reason to live, and it becomes more and more important when I think of it. I stopped caring about me that much, I stopped caring about the past and modern times, I stopped reminiscing the good times, I feel like now something programmed me to start caring for people I will meet in the future and right now, it strangely became my main purpose to live, except the only person I want to live for right now that is my mother.
What are your thoughts? What is your reason to live?
What are your thoughts? What is your reason to live?